I Am Not A Doormat!

Dear Kimmie,

I recently invited a friend to my daughter’s choir concert.  They responded they would love to go, but then asked if I could get another ticket for a friend.  I responded by being too accommodating and saying something like, “Well I can’t get another seat together, but I can buy another ticket and I can just sit in that seat.”  I really thought they would say, “No, I don’t want you sitting by yourself.” But they didn’t.  They said, “Ok great, we will see you there!”  So now I am mad at myself for not just saying I could not get a ticket.  I bought good seats and I don’t want to sit by myself at my daughter’s concert, nor do I want to sit in the not as good seats.  However this is one of my late husband’s best friends so I am not as comfortable saying what I really feel as I would if it was someone else.  What should I do? 

Signed,

Too Accommodating

Dear Too Accommodating,

This is a real problem! Take it from me. Once, my nieghbor (that I'd just met only hours before) told me she was tired of her husband and she wanted to leave him. The next thing I know she and her chihuahua are sleeping on my couch, waching Cosby Show re-runs all day long and asking my husband and I to hide her spouse's belongings in our car. Trust me, being too accommodating is a slippery slope that usually ends with you getting walked all over.
I must say, you got yourself into this pickle though, which we people pleasers often do, by offering up your own ticket. Yes, your friend should have never taken you up on the offer, but in the future, you should never present an option that you wouldn't want to go along with.

What I've learned is that most people don't want to put you out, and they don't even think twice about it if you say "no." They don't expect you to always bend over backwards for them, and they won't think any less of you if you don't make their every wish your command.

As for your current predicament, I'm sure your friend would understand if you explained to him how you're feeling, but I'm guessing you're not likely to do that.
So, all you can do now is hope that your new, less than ideal seat has a handsome, single man sitting in the one next to it. Or you could just give your friend ex-lax cookies as a pre-concert treat, and hope that he'll have to excuse himself so you can get your ticket back. I'd stick with optoin A though. Sincerely, Kimmie