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Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Pork Problems!

Q: Hey Kimmie,
 I have a question for your advice blog, which btw I LOVE to read. You're so funny. Hubs & I need you to settle a debate.
A week or so ago we were debating what is the best way to dispose of bacon grease. I said you can dump it in the trash still hot or dump it down the sink while still hot w/lots of soap & hot water cause it isn't much. He wanted to put it in one of our drinking glasses and let it sit on the counter until it got hard (it sat there for 6 hours & never even started to get hard, let's be honest, it's too hot in AZ in the summer) then somehow figure out how to get it out & into the trash.
I put our debate out on the Facebook world to see what people said & we got versions of both answers, so now we both think we won. Who really won this one?
Corinne and Klint
A: Dear Corinne and Klint,
  Nothing stimulates my gag reflex quite like a container of coagulated bacon grease. Only grandmas who are like 100 years old pour their bacon grease in a cup to cool for hours on the counter before they dispose of it, and only even older grandmas (or Paula Dean) save it in a tin can in their freezer to cook with later.
  Just throw it in the trash can! It's bacon grease, not a dirty syringe. Yes, I suppose it could possibly clog the garbage disposal once it cools down and hardens up, so I wouldn't recommend pouring it down there, but it can definitely be thrown straight into the garbage bag. If you're worried about it melting a hole, just put some paper towels or other trash on the bottom of the bag, but for heaven sakes do not let it sit on the counter and gross people out.
  I actually cook my bacon in the oven on an old, tin foil covered cookie sheet, and then I just wad up the tin foil and put that straight in the trash. Plus, then you don't have to stand there and get a grease facial while you're cooking it, and your whole house doesn't smell like bacon for the next six weeks. It's a win/win!
  So Corinne, I declare you the winner in the battle of the bacon. Your husband might be the one bringing home the bacon, but you're the one who's in charge of disposing of the the garbage, no cups or cans necessary. Problem solved!
Sincerely, Kimmie

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Pregnancy Apparel!

Q: I still like to buy maternity clothes, even though I'm not pregnant anymore. My husband thinks it's totally weird, but I think if it's cute and it's on sale, then it doesn't matter. Who's right?
A: Well, fashion is not really my forte. My fashion sense is barely one step above those people who wear socks with sandals.
 I think it started when I was in 5th grade, and I asked for a pair of Guess Jeans for Christmas. My step-mom bought me Lee jeans from Kmart, and she drew an upside down triangle with the word "Guess" inside of it, with puff paint. I wore them cause I'm sweet and she was well-meaning, but my interest in clothes kind of fizzled out after that. (True story. Ask my friends.)
That being said, I still have an opinion on everything, so here it is... I don't think it's weird at all! I love sales, and anyone who knows me knows that I love comfortable dresses, and I wear them everyday. So for me, a maternity dress on clearance is a win-win, whether you're pregnant or not. If you like it, wear it!
 In fact, I wore one of my old maternity dresses to church a few weeks ago, and I'm not ashamed. I even got a couple compliments on it.
You are so pretty that you would look good wearing a paper bag! Whether it was a ziplock bag, or a Hefty Hefty Cinch Sack, you would still be gorgeous in it, no matter the size!
So my answer is, you are right. Your husband is wrong. To prove your point, next time you go shopping just buy some maternity lingerie. I bet you won't hear him complaining about tags and sizes then. Problem solved!
Sincerely, Kimmie

Friday, June 22, 2012

Caller With a Conscience!

Dear Kimmie,
 I work at a political call center that works with conservative political action committees. We call registered voters across the country and try to get them to donate $10-250 to the campaign. The owners of the call center give us no campaign specifics or where the money goes, so we just give a very vague overview of what the money does to the potential donor.
However, a quick google search will show what a legal scam these campaigns are. When we tell donors their money will help elect more conservative candidates in November, and then finance reports show that the campaign has donated only $5,000 to a total of 2 candidates in the last election cycle. Should a God fearing employee feel comfortable working in this environment?
What should I do?
Signed, Caller with a conscience

Dear Caller with a Conscience,
Quit right now! I know that sounds rash, but I'm a shoot from the hip kinda girl.
 However, if you're more of a two weeks notice kinda guy/gal, then I would have a serious talk with your employer, asking him directly what percentage actually goes where you're telling people it goes. If he can't or won't give you an explanation, you should tell him that you don't feel comfortable misleading people and tender your resignation immediately.
 I will share my telemarketing experience with you to give you courage... I too worked at a call center once. (I've had like 20+ jobs.) My friend and I worked there together, and we felt like the services we were offering over the phone were not always worth the money we were charging, and I felt like we were being told how to talk elderly people into paying for things they didn't need. After 4 days of this, my friend and I quit, but not before I made a very dramatic "how do you people sleep at night" exit speech. I don't think it was very effective. The only people that followed us out of the building were the ones on their way to their smoke break, but I felt a lot better because I was no longer part of a company that I felt was taking advantage of people.
 I realize it's important to make a living, but it's far more important to make an honest living. You can find a way to justify anything if you try hard enough, but selling your soul is one telemarketing gig you should steer clear of! So, quit, asap! Problem solved!
Sincerely, Kimmie

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

A Hairy Husband!

Q: Dear Kimmie-

I believe that most germs we get into our body that make us sick come in through the nose.  Therefore I let my nose hair grow out.  I admit they are bit too long (one actually extends to my upper lip) but I need the extra hair to filter out the germs when I breathe.  My wife thinks it's ridiculous and disgusting and wants me to trim them.  I say no, I need my health.  Who is right? 
Thank you,

Travis and Kendra

A: Dear Travis and Kendra,
Ew, Kendra is right! You may be perfectly correct about nose hairs filtering out germs. However, one could also argue that armpit hairs trap bacteria, sebum and pheromones, and I don't think you'd be pleased as pie if your wife decided to go all Rapunzel with her pits! 
The solution is simple. 
Trim your nose hairs, and grow a mustache instead! It would act as a hairy hurdle that most germs would not be able to penetrate. Then, you get to filter out the majority of the bacteria, and your wife no longer has to find you're health habits ridiculous and disgusting! 
Problem Solved!
Sincerely, Kimmie

An "Eggs"istential Question!

Dear Kimmie,

I love hard boiled eggs and like to eat them when they are done boiling. Peeling can be tricky as the egg sticks to the shell and I end up with a partially destroyed cratered piece of chicken embryo. Am I rushing the process? Does temperature play a factor? Does cracking the egg all over help? Seriously Kimmie, I'm all boiled up over this.

 -Rob F.

Dear Rob F.,

First of all, I apologize in advance for adding "egg" to the beginning of so many words in my response, but it couldn't be helped!
Now, as for your hard boiled blunders, I too can relate. I am a fan of egg salad sandwiches, but since I do not "eggcel" at hard boiling eggs, I rarely make them. So, I set out to find an answer, for both of our sakes.
I first started by trying, once again, to hard boil some eggs of my own. However, I forgot about them boiling on the stove for well over an hour, and by the time my husband came downstairs and found them stinking up the kitchen, in a pot with almost all of the water evaporated out, he threw them away before I could attempt the peeling process.
So, since I am no "eggspert" at hard boiling eggs, I consulted my two most "eggcellent" sources of mother-in-law and the internet.
The internet says to add salt to your water because it raises the pH of the water, which strengthens the egg's membrane. (I don't know what pH is, so I will just take their word for it.) The internet also has lots of techniques using safety pins and spoons and vinegar, but that sounds a little "eggstreme"
to me!
My mother-in-law said that the best way to crack a hard boiled egg is to let it cool (dunk it in ice if your impatient) and make a big, gentle crack on the top and bottom of the egg. Then, carefully rub the shell away with the bottom of your thumb, no poking or digging. Her way sounds better.
Problem solved!

Sincerely, Kimmie

Friday, May 25, 2012

Graduation Gift Giving!

Dear Kimmie,
I have a niece, three cousins and three second cousins all graduating from High School this week. Last Saturday night I attended a party to celebrate 2 of their graduations. I bought and brought a gift for each of them. But since then I have been wondering if I need to send gifts to the other ones? If I remember correctly, I didn't get any money or gifts when I graduated High School (granted that was 15 years ago.) I did however, receive gifts/money when I graduated from college. I know graduating High School is exciting, but isn't that sort of expected? "Wa-hoo you survived 12 years of public schooling. Just like everyone else." Please tell me if times have changed and people are now expected to give gifts/money to High School graduates. And if that is the case, how far down the family tree should I give gifts?
Sincerely, Perplexed about protocol
Dear Perplexed about Protocol,
Call me old fashioned, but the only thing I got when I graduated from highschool was a job, at a Dry Cleaners.
Don't get me wrong, I LOVE giving gifts! I am always buying presents for people and getting my kids junk from the Dollar Store to reward them for every little thing they do. However, it should not be expected, and kids should not feel entitled to it. I can recognize that graduating from high school is an exciting time, but people should not feel pressured to write checks everytime anyone reaches a milestone.
I've seen that show "Silver Spoons." I know what happens when you just start handing kids money. You end up with a bunch of Ricky Schroders, riding around on giant choo-choo trains inside their house, expecting to get everything handed to them.
The reward for graduating from high school should be your education, not a pile of checks from distant relatives and friends of your parents, whose tax dollars have already paid for your schooling.
Now, if you are close with the graduate and you want to give them a gift/money, then by all means, do it! It's fun giving gifts to celebrate with the people you care about, but do not feel obligated to respond to every graduation announcement you get in the mail with a gift of money, and especially not to second cousins. You probably know your mailman better than your second cousin, and you don't buy him a gift card to congratulate him everytime they raise the price of stamps.
If you don't want to give a gift or you can't afford to, you can still recognize the graduates accomplishment by giving them a letter, expressing specific, positive qualities you've noticed in them as an individual and how proud you are of them and the person they've become. That should mean more to them than a check. It may not, but it should. Absolutely everyone deserves to feel special and be congratulated, but celebrating someone's achievements doesn't always have to cost money. In the wise words of Art Buchwald (and Pinterest) "The best things in life are not things." And that's a more important lesson than anything they'll learn in school!
Sincerely, Kimmie

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

I Am Not A Doormat!

Dear Kimmie,
I recently invited a friend to my daughter’s choir concert.  They responded they would love to go, but then asked if I could get another ticket for a friend.  I responded by being too accommodating and saying something like, “Well I can’t get another seat together, but I can buy another ticket and I can just sit in that seat.”  I really thought they would say, “No, I don’t want you sitting by yourself.” But they didn’t.  They said, “Ok great, we will see you there!”  So now I am mad at myself for not just saying I could not get a ticket.  I bought good seats and I don’t want to sit by myself at my daughter’s concert, nor do I want to sit in the not as good seats.  However this is one of my late husband’s best friends so I am not as comfortable saying what I really feel as I would if it was someone else.  What should I do? 
Too Accommodating

Dear Too Accommodating,
This is a real problem! Take it from me. Once, my nieghbor (that I'd just met only hours before) told me she was tired of her husband and she wanted to leave him. The next thing I know she and her chihuahua are sleeping on my couch, waching Cosby Show re-runs all day long and asking my husband and I to hide her spouse's belongings in our car. Trust me, being too accommodating is a slippery slope that usually ends with you getting walked all over.
I must say, you got yourself into this pickle though, which we people pleasers often do, by offering up your own ticket. Yes, your friend should have never taken you up on the offer, but in the future, you should never present an option that you wouldn't want to go along with.
What I've learned is that most people don't want to put you out, and they don't even think twice about it if you say "no." They don't expect you to always bend over backwards for them, and they won't think any less of you if you don't make their every wish your command.
As for your current predicament, I'm sure your friend would understand if you explained to him how you're feeling, but I'm guessing you're not likely to do that.
So, all you can do now is hope that your new, less than ideal seat has a handsome, single man sitting in the one next to it. Or you could just give your friend ex-lax cookies as a pre-concert treat, and hope that he'll have to excuse himself so you can get your ticket back. I'd stick with optoin A though. Sincerely, Kimmie